finally, I made the call

to settle down in a new city, maybe for the rest of the year. I haven’t decided on the timeline yet. mostly because the covid thing still manages to wave. but I can’t remember the last time I feel this awkward nervous. probably back in 2018 when I buckled myself up for the first abroad trip.

walk away >< heal

I’m not sure that’s what I seek in a new city. here’s a fact, a new life won’t help heal the old one. we drag ourselves wherever we go. and given that, healing only happens when we allow it. so no, recovery isn’t my motivation. It’s a part, not the whole picture. let’s just suffering in a different setting, I guess.

cleaning up the leftover

dropping a 20 days notice for a 6 months-maybe-more moving apparently isn’t a good thing to do. I spent the last few days comforting the people who matter. At first, I believed it would be wise to pack up and leave. sure, being someone who leaves sounds easier than who has to stay. but sitting at the airport and receiving their texts somehow pulling a cell of emotion. I miss them already. weird, I know.

the workload

I leave in the middle of the chaos. We’re still forming up the first bricks for 2021. Everything needs tweaks and adjustment before actually turn them into a to-do list. I got many questions from the fam that whether I could keep the work transpire smoothly, lmao bold of them to assume I can keep it perfectly while I’m in Saigon.

sync with the team

they don’t say anything out loud, but how they react and treat me in the last few days speaks up a lot. I received some pairs of socks from a friend, the way she leaves those notes did make me believe people actually notice my vibe by giving me the presents in the most related way I can feel. so precious. I got a new black Lomo camera and a book to sit with every time I can’t feel myself anymore. my laptop was equipped with a new cleaning kit, as my duo brother claims he just can’t stand seeing that dirty screen anymore, despite the fact that his screen is not much different. I got a new alarm every 4pm now, mostly to check up if he has his eyedropping of the day yet. I know life is full of unquestionable things, but how tf can a grown-ass 26th can’t do this by himself.

a new chapter is coming. it might get rough, but the idea of growth where anxiety meets excitement really makes me seek life triggers. must be the first time. for a long while.